IV. A New Chapter

I've been writing in this blog for the last 2 years.
I love this blog. I love the design and the pics i posted here. I love everything about it.

But now Im starting everything all over again.
so i think i should start a new blog too. one that wont be too discreet.
so maybe i will close this one and write somewhere else.

I know this 2 years time had been so gloomy for me. The full rainy days for the whole 2 years.
and maybe it sounds weird that all the rainy days were caused by one person only. but no, i dont blame anyone, I had chosen my way to live and love in these 2 years and i dont regret it.

I choose the Chapter IV just like the Starwars movie that started from the fourth "A New Hope". i had had my chapters in life. and it's now time to start a new one.

Whatever the future will be, Im ready. i have my faith in god and myself...
It's time......

"Be not that far from me, for trouble is near; haste Thee to help me."
"Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight."
"My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust; who subdueth my people under me."
"O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph"

Favorite quotes - Private Jackson in Saving Private Ryan
cocking and firing riffle

Till we meet again

Definitely 2 years is not enough to be spent with great friends like all of you.
Thanks for the friendship and the help and assistance
Thanks for the encouraging words.
Thanks for all the time you spent on and for me.
Till we meet again.

“and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night” ;)


P.S. Farewel note for colleagues in the office

Islands for Sale

Lagi heboh soal penjualan pulau. everybody in the gov is giving a big fuss on this issue.
well, this is not a new thing. been happening eversince.
http://www.karangasemproperty.com/
this site has been drawing lots of attention. and im sure they are dealing with lots of shits now with the authorities due to the publication.
i just browsed their site and many apologies to ID people are mentioned there. xoxo

i remember ex and i talked about buying an island after we came back from lombok.
i thought we could not afford. but i saw on tv today some islands were sold for only IDR 1 bio. so it is actually very cheap. and who said we cant afford?
but anyhoo, buying an island with him is not happening anymore even if i can afford.
who wants to have anything to do with someone u cant trust?

buktikan merahmu

i like this ad from one of the ciggarette company.

how many people on bus will give theirs seats to elderly people? not many i guess.
okay, how many times did i do?
all the time.

i dont know many people who wud do that. ex husband is one of the guys i know would difinitely do that. the other guy is SS.

but not my ex. i remember taking a bus with him in the aiport from the plane to the terminal. we were on the same plane from bali with a group of elderly people. not enough of seats for all passangers in the bus, an old lady and some old uncles have to stand. i remember i gave her my seat and ex was just sitting there, innocently.

it's a matter of choice, isnt it?
and btw he is not an ID, what would he know about "buktikan merahmu"
:)

Men want power, achievement and sex. Women want relationships, stability and love.
To feel upset about this is as useful as abusing the sky for raining.
Accepting that it rains allows you to cope with the weather by carrying an umbrella or raincoat, so it is no longer a problem.

Completed "Why men don't listen, why women can't read map".

that crazy woman known as my sister

one day, an sms came to my cell phone.
CS : hey xx, pls help me sell new skincare product xx.xxxxx. idr xxx per pack bla bla bla bla....
(huh? what the heck?)
me : ok

another day, i called her.
me : hey sis, how is it going?
CS : good lah, busy liaw ah. aiyoo no servants wah.
me : how are the kids doing?
CS : too much trouble lahh..
me : mmm, okay.... (dunno what to say)
CS : eh xx, help me sell that skincare product xx.xxxxx lahh, my friend fooled me liaw, told me it's very easy to sell lah, aiyoo i bought many packages and didnt sell well wah.
i'll sell it cheap lah.
me : err..., ok..

two days ago, a friend was curious about tht product. i sent CS an sms.
me : how much do u want to sell xx.xxxxxx again?
the next day at 6 in the morning.
CS : whose number is this? you asked about the price of xx.xxxxxx yesterday?
me, went back to sleep.

Me = me
CS = crazy sister


P.S. dont mind the exaggerating on lah and aiyoo.

Sick

im very sick, hadnt felt like this for more than 10 years.
tried hard to keep my head up and not to bang moussy on the wall on highway when i was in somekind of trance and stepped even harder on gas.

tried to breathe and stabilize my heartbeat all day.
what's wrong?
something got to be wrong.
but who cares...

Allem Alby

My love, when you are beside me, what can I wish and dream for?
The dream has come true and my eyes saw it
Come near to me to feel comfort
I have been calling for you from a long time, come and hug me
Teach my heart how to love (allem alby el gharam)

Talk to me with the sweetest words
Live with me in my dreams
Love me, my love
Believe me when you are loving me and willing to see me

You teach the lovers not to leave each other
My love, you are an angelI forget the world with you
And I come to your world of love
Just when you hug meMy love, all of me is yours
I love you when I'm with you
Nothing in this world is rich for me to get it to you
If only you hug me

http://www.aramusic.com/htmls/alam610.htm

me liking this too much

to China

One and half month ago during one of our boring lunchs in one of the usual boring restaurants, me, R and Y started talking about where-to-go for vacation. I started going for lunch with them two and half months back after all my best friends resigned.
so each of us gave an idea.
Y : India
But I Just came back from India and R hates India she wouldn’t even eat at Indian restaurant.
R : China
Me not liking china too much and Y hates China she doesn’t even eat pork though she is a Chinese
Me : Turkey (just finished Orhan Pamuk’s book)
R and Y don’t have any idea about Turkey.
So no deal.

Several days later, I saw a picture of a tourist in great wall and I thought I would go to China anyway, it’s a matter or sooner or later, so what the heck.
moreover, i was on my second time broken-heart, after realiazing that he must have brought that korean girl to japan after he times and again denied that he had one, and realizing that he only comes to me when he feels depressed and sad while all other good times he has for e.g. being sent abroad to japan would just be spent with other random girls, i decided.
So I told R let’s go…

it was like an awakening that i will be able to travel anywhere without him, just name it, turkey, iran, or even irian, forget about japan.

After weeks of hectic, like R: getting her passport renewed, we: getting our visa, me: deciding when to resign, me: fixing the date, and me: deciding whether to take tour from Singapore or Jakarta (Singapore was dropped due to too much hassle), we are finally leaving in 2 weeks.

So….
To China,
Cheers…..

Belly Dance

Yesterday Y called me and said she had my b'day present ready.
it was two tickets to the 2nd belly dance ball (or recital) at Hilton Hotel.

I wasnt very much excited at first when we got there tonight.
it was delayed for almost an hour and too much silly games.
but when the dance started i found it quite exciting though i didnt stay till the last dance cos of illness. we didnt even have our dinner there.

however, i fell in love with the dance. though personally i think it suits people with bulky figures and big belly and breast.
but the costumes were really beautiful though they were very expossing.

i think i will join the class then get the beautiful costumes.
who knows i'll get the chance to perform in front of next bf or even husband when i find one.
xoxo

i have 3 weeks to:

1. move all important documents and valueable things to safe deposit box.
2. clean up my desk - done
3. move all data in laptop to portable hardisk. - done
4. delete personal files from laptop
5. farewell note - done
6. farewell snacks
7. farewell party
8. copy email addresses
9. get farewell gift for my secretary
10. inform credit card companies.
11. inform bosses - done
12. return parking sticker
13. return laptop, materials and cal
14. clearance sheet
15.


wahhhh, look at the list, even credit card companies are more important than bosess.

friends are forever

calling old friends and informing them on my resignation.
sooooo.... happy.
and i could see (or hear) that they are happy for me too.
i would never regret to had joined this firm for i met so many great friends.
XXXX rocks man...

on being so happy, say a prayer.
Tuhan kau satu, saya satu, kasihanilah saya.
Tuhan kau satu, kami begitu banyak, tetapi kasihanilah kami.

:)

submission

submitted resignation letter 2 days back. i was worried.
my mentor, who is feared by everybody, luckily didnt give me hard time.
we talked for 2 hours. and he was being sensible and gave me many advices.
he said i shouldnt give up just like that cos of my bad performance last year. in his opinion i would be leaving this defeated and that would affect my carreer.

part of what he said was right, but he doesnt know me well to know whether i feel defeated or not. i will never feel so. i know very well what i am and how and why my performance was really bad last year.

today big boss called me to her place.
well, when u are needed all the sweet words flow nicely. but im old enough to know that taking a piece of candy and trade it with my dignity is an absolute stupidity.
i never feel she is wise enough to be a boss. none of her words make sense for me.

what had happened cant be reversed. i cant look back and regret what i had done.
nor can i take back the words i had spoken and the decision i had made.

so ....
never give up, never surrender.....
to infinity, and beyond.........
xoxoxo

:)

u proposed again last night, remember?
let's see how many times u will do that till we really get married. or may be not.
xoxoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn1Pncaxylc

setahun sudah berlalu.
tapi ternyata setahun tidak membuat dia berubah.

aku ingat tahun lalu, menangis mendengar lagu ini.
tahun ini juga.
:) :(

"Tuhan, Kau bertiga, Kami bertiga. Kasihanilah kami".

one day me and R and Y were having dinner.
me is a catholic, R is a buddhist and Y is an atheist (always speaks out loud that she is).
i asked R about buddhism and how she prays and all.
so she explained and we talked about reincarnation and deities and levels in buddhism.

Y openly said that reincarnation is totally unacceptable. she said she believes in god but buddhism just doesnt make sense, like she and I are catholic and catholic make more sense that there is only one god(huh? i thought she was an atheist).

R is type of person who wont fight for what she believes, typical buddhist who loves peace.
i didnt say anything.

but I remember a story quoted in two of my favorite books, "By the river of piedra, i sat down and wept" by paulo coelho and "the song of the bird" by Anthony de Mello S.J. (who i just noted today tht he was an indian) about three red indians and their prayer.
"Tuhan, Kau bertiga, Kami bertiga. Kasihanilah kami".
gak tau kenapa tiap kali inget doa ini g terharu banget. :(

i got u

when i first saw u, i just couldnt take my eyes off u.
maybe it was love at first sight. people say so.
you are so handsome yet so soft. but most of all, u suite me perfectly.

anyhoo, i decided that i wont go further beyond admiring you. there are many things i must consider if i ever wanted to be with you.
so i left you.

but i just couldnt stop thinking about you.
the last one week was really tough to not think of you. i imagined going everywhere with you.
showing you off to everybody and holding you tight in my arms.

then today i decided that even when you will cost me a lot, even when u will probably disappoint me like i had been dissappointed many times, i chose to be with you. i dont care anymore.

so i went to see u. but u were gone.
i couldnt find you. i was so disappointed. i knew i made a huge mistake by leaving you.
i was thinking of letting you go, but that wasnt feel right.
i made some calls to reach you. and i even drove so far just to see you.

then i found u. there..
and couldnt say anything anymore. just "come home with me"

I love you.
my Guy Laroche hand bag.
:)

Thanksgiving

Due to all other rooms are fully booked, my room was upgraded to a junior suite with price almost twice the usual. I thought it would be like something really big with living room, pantry, jacuzzi (hi hi exaggerating) and all, but it turned out it was just one and a half size the regular one with a sofa and bigger space for writing desk. Hu hu hu. Oh yeah, they give better toiletteries.

Anyway, it always great to stay in a more expensive place as long as we do not need to pay for it. xoxoxo

And, last night me and my team had dinner in Citraland Hotel and they were serving Thanksgiving Buffet. I ate several times there and the food has always been OK, not fantastic, but not bad either. For the price almost the same with ritz carlton or hotel mulia, Jakarta, the dinner came with complimentary wine. I choose the sparkling wine and it tasted really good. I found myself started to cheer up and my cheek started to glow.

As the wine loosened up the tongue and warmed up the body, we spent the night talking about how 2 girls in our office could finish 20 trays of sushi at once, giggling and raving about silly things.
No wonder Li Po in his life loved drinking dearly, and talked silly, and created poems every night. And then died stoned.

To Li Po, Cheers…..

Job offering

I got a call from the HR department of a telcom company who 9 months back offered me a job. The talk went on for several months and I decided not to take the offer cos they wouldn’t even increase IDR 1 million of the salary they offered. Later on when I said OK I will consider taking the job, they said they would call me back but never did. And I heard that post is still vacant up to this day.

I can’t believe they still have the guts to call me. I mean what kind of company letting an important post empty for months only cos IDR 1 mio?
And acting like she was a professional and her company was sooooo great that everybody was dying to be employed by them (when some of my ex colleagues who work there are desperately looking for new jobs), the HR girl said they want to offer me the same position, but as the company has grew and changed, she needs to review my current status and soft skill and bla bla bla bla…
Even dare to ask me to come to their office on the same day she called. I was tempted to ask how much she would offer me now as my rate has increased. But then again I politely told her I was not in town so she offered to meet on Monday which I will be actually free too.

And I told her, “I’ll call you back”.

Smile and..

Sometimes being pretty makes life easier. I used to hate it when girls used their beauty to get through some bureaucracy or to get whatever they want. Still I do hate it.
The last 1-2 years, after realizing that I could used my charm too even though I’m not really that pretty, have been benefited from my being cute.

Last was when I was getting my boarding-pass for flight to Surabaya, I forgot to mention that I wanted a window seat. After the guy on the counter handed me the boarding pass, I just remembered and I was like “Oops, boarding pass was printed, but what the heck”. So I gave him a very wide and sweet smile with nice and soft tone I said “Pak, sorry, I forgot to mention that I want a window seat.” He smiled back and said “It’s OK, let me fix that for you.” I said thank you and kept my smile. He re-input the data and re-printed the boarding pass. When he’s done, he said “is there anything else I could do for you?” huh? xoxoxo